I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
