YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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