I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
