Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
