i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
