my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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