babies were throwing up all over the place
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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