for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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