4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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