soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
