I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
