i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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