During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
