I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
