I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize