so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
