That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
