Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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