just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he thought i was a dude.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize