We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
