obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
