My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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