no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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