Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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