I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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