Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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