O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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