i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
