Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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