im drinking this country out of the recession.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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