Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
