i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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