sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
