and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
