i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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