im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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