i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
