you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
