you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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