In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it's like iHOP with fire
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
