I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
