Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
