I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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