I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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