So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize