im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
