I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
