He uses pillows to masturbate.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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