dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
