so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
