Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
