sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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