Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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