why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
