Is it normal to miss your booty call?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
