You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
