Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
