One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
