I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
