That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize