And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
