She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
