you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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