The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
