onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
