Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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