I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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