phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We talked him into tasing himself.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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