For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
