i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dick very happy bro
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
